Cat fight club

Look at me lying there. How relaxed I am. I'll get to the whys and wherefores shortly. First, though...

You may not know this, but the first rule of cat fight club is, do not talk about cat fight club. You know what the second rule is? DO NOT talk about cat fight club. Funny, huh?

Anyway, I'm gonna break both of those rules right now.

This morning, at about 4.45 or so (I don't know for sure cos cats don't wear watches), there I was sitting around in the garden just killing time while waiting to wake up the people who live with me. You know, I'm minding my own business and everything and everything.

Next thing I know, I'm being chased like a melonfarmer*. I go bursting through the cat-flap, knocking over all the wine bottles that have been stacked up by the bin ready to go the recycling point and waking the people up in the process.

The man-person knows that when this commotion occurs that it is usually because I'm being chased. So he goes legging it to the spare bedroom to see if he can see the culprit in the garden. But nothing. Then he comes to me, saying, "Are you all right?" and stuff. I give him my deep, throaty growl -- the one that means: "If I were you, I'd keep my distance. I've just been humiliated, and I'm in a foul mood." Funny, the man seems to recognize this, even if he doesn't recognize "Take me to the vet" (see below).

So I give it a few minutes and head back outside to enjoy the rest of my pre-wake-up time. Bugger me, if that mean-ass cat doesn't come for me again! I'll go on record now and say that, okay, I'm not a kitten anymore. Perhaps the best of my fighting days are behind me. Bottom line: I'd rather just stay out of bovver. But trouble just comes looking for me. Probably because I'm so gorgeous and all.

In I go, crashing past the bottles once more and reawakening the people. This time, Man did see the aggressor in the garden. I heard him say: "Oh God, he's spraying all up the back door. And now on the drainpipe." Woman-person just grunted. Funny, she's usually good in the mornings and Man less so.

As a result, all day I've been a little out of sorts. And to make matters worse, whenever the man comes near me, I'm afraid he wants to grab me and give me another of those damn tablets, so I'm keeping my distance from him.

As for that pic. When Man made the bed the other day, he left the duvet rolled up on the floor at the foot of the bed. I heard him tell Woman that he would bag it up and put it in the cellar. Well, not if I have my way. It's making for a lovely napping bed of a daytime.

* Melonfarmer = well, you know, that other MF word.