Sufferin' succotash!

I'm feeling a bit cranky. It's been raining on and off all day, and then, when I went outside to see if the rain had brought out any nice juicy worms for supper, I got attacked. ATTACKED, I TELL YA, by that damn tabby bastard.

I got a cut above my left eye and a few scratches and scrapes on my head, my back, my ribcage, and my ... Get yer mind outta the gutter; this ain't no sleazy R&B track!

Still, like the proverbial black man, I don't go down without a fight. I got plenty of his fur under my claws too. Now I just need a little lie down.

His dog, my bitch

Yesterday I was alone much of the day. The people went to London together first thing in the morning. Strangely, Man returned first. He got back at about 4pm and went straight about his so-called work. Woman arrived home at about 7 of your "o'clocks". What's particularly baffling for me is that, while the male comes and goes of his own free will, the female of the species seems unable to do either without the male and his blue metal box on wheels. Humans crack me up.

Anyway, as a result of the lack of company, I was feeling rather horny this night. While making one of my routine patrols around the people's heads as they slept, I found myself unable to resist the pull of Man's fleshy forearm. What's funny is that it was the one with a big picture of a red dog on it. I rode that puppy till its face turned blue. Hah! Dogs suck, bee-atch!

I’m having a nap. What of it?

Jeez, I need all my strength to rid the house of creepy crawlies an' stuff. You want spiders getting in your mouth while you sleep? Fine. THAT'S IT -- I'M ON STRIKE!