You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry...

Last night I finally re-entered the Red Room, where the people sleep. It was out of bounds for the whole of last week, when the people's noisy friends were here (and don't get me started on that...), and then I thought I'd stay away for another handful of days, just to make my displeasure at the disruption known. No amount of night-time coaxing was going to change my mind. However, by last night, I thought the people had suffered enough, so about 4.30am, I deigned them with my sublime feline presence again.

The Woman was very pleased to see me and, disappointingly, seemed not bothered by the timing of my appearance. Shame. She made room for me on her side of the bed and started rubbing my chin. Ooh, damn her, she knows just what to do to get back in my good books... Then I took a stroll around the head of the Man and sat on his pillow for a while. He was also most happy to have me back, pooey arse and all. My, they must have missed me during the past ten days or so!

Then, this morning, I played another little trick on them. I started sniffing at the food in my bowl and miaowing my disdain out loud. The Woman, thinking the food had been there since the night before, promptly changed it for me, muttering something about what a waste of poor little rabbits that was. Evs. After putting new food down for me, she gave me a little stroke to get me to eat (a little trick I taught them when I was little) and -- get this! -- I hissed at her. She was taken aback a little and tried another stroke. I hissed louder (kinda like in this picture), turned my back on her and went out.



Now... the Woman is a bit of a grass, so she relayed the whole episode to the Man, who revealed to her that the food at which I was turning up my nose was actually fresh from this morning. Ha ha! Anyway, they both charged into the bathroom, where I was having my mid-morning nap, and started going on about the little rabbits again and about how having a child and sending him to university would be cheaper than feeding me and blah blah blah. I yawned and covered my eyes with my paw.

They looked at each other and did this thing where one of them tries to articulate my thoughts. Strangely enough, they got it right this time when the Woman said, "You're boring me now. Fuck off and leave me be."

Yaaaaaawwwwwwwn!

I get very tired after having people stay at my house. The whole time they're here I have to sleep with one eye open, just in case they come too close and want to touch me or something. So when they leave, I have to catch up on my sleep.

Speaking of sleep, I have a new bed. I like to mix it up, keep it interesting, y'know. There's a pile of printouts on the floor near where the woman works. They make a comfy spot for me to curl up in.

Night night.

It’s all fun and games, innit?

I've really been a bit slack about writing on my blog lately. It's just been so damn hot. When it gets like this, what I tend to do is pop into the shed belonging to the old lady a couple of doors away. It's pretty cool in there because it's all dark and shaded. And once in a while there's the added bonus of a big ol' spider or similar tasty bug for me to chow down on. Yep, life is sweet, if a little warm.

Well... I say life is sweet, but just when things are looking at their sweetest, suddenly I smell something rotten in the state of Denmark, as that old Shakespeare bloke would have. Something rotten in the state of Denmark? More like something rotten in the shape of the three black bananas sitting in the people's fruit bowl. Sheesh! Some of us have sensitive nostrils, y'know, not like you sensory-deprived humans.

And not only that... The little kid next door has been climbing the fence and getting into my garden. My garden! He even walked up to the back door of my house and put his hand through my cat-flap. My cat-flap! I tell you all this for nothing: he's lucky I was nowhere near at the time. I've managed to avoid what the people call a nail-trimming for quite a few weeks now, and I'm carrying a couple of pawfuls of scimitars around with me. I'd have taken that mofo's arm off as quick as look at it.

And another thing... Said kid has got himself a couple of cats living with him. New ones. New ones that think it's okay to come and do their toilet business in my garden. My gard... Oops, I'm repeating myself, aren't I? They were using the gravel that the people put down (detailed here) as a litter tray. Dirty bastards.

And just when you were beginning to think I must be the least fortunate cat in the whole world, there's something else. The people have friends visiting this week. Two more people. I don't like people. Did I mention that before? Have I not made this clear enough to the people who live with me? Obviously I'm going to need to stress my position a bit more forcefully. I will, dear reader, keep you informed...